His Sexuality

The body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. I Corinthians 6:13

This chapter for me was huge the first time I went through the book. I remember spending night after night in agony over this topic. This time around, a little fine tuning is definitely worth it.

I think the most challenging part of this topic is the fact that when I'm feeling unloved, I need affection from him, like quality time together, or snuggling on the couch. When he's feeling unloved, he needs sex. When we're both feeling unloved, a very vicious cycle can evolve: I won't give him physical contact,
and he won't spend time with me. With lots of prayer and self discipline I have
discovered that if I go ahead and allow myself to be given over to him,
after prayerfully considering my attitude, that he in turn is then much more ready to fulfill my needs.

When we were seeking counsel years ago regarding our wounded sex life together,
our counselor recommended we take an entire year off from sex altogether as a healing time. This was met with opposition from - get this - both of us! At first, I was thrilled- a whole year without having to worry about sex! But, when I really thought about it, it didn't quite seem right for some reason. The Bible tells us not to deprive each other but for a very short time of mutual consent. Can you imagine the temptation that could befell someone with a year of abstinance within a marriage? We promptly left the counselor, but all of a sudden my husband and I had a common
ground. This was the beginning of our healing after all! We both went through a period of self examination, and he knew he could not demand anything from me and get a great response, and I knew that my body was meant for my husband, and it was not my place to deprive him.
It took many years, and I still could easily go without! But just to see what an impact it has on my husband as a man makes me realize it is my job to make him feel loved, and that desire is deep inside of me now!

I know there are many women out there who struggle with this issue, and I am not an expert by any means, but I would be more than happy to email anyone who wants to discuss it further, or even to have me just pray for them.

Lord, ...I realize that an important part of my ministry to my husband is sexual. Help me to never use it as a weapon or a means of manipulation by giving and withholding it for selfish reasons. I commit this area of our lives to You, Lord...Make it all that You created it to be.

One More Before We Move On

Just a final thought on work and finances before I move on to other topics. We are still struggling to gain a profit from our home business, and subsequently my husband has been having major doubts as to whether he is doing the right thing with his life, and because of these doubts, he has not been putting one hundred percent of his effort into the business. His mind has been elsewhere, thinking about going back into the dreaded workforce, etc.

Well we came to another crossroads as a family, knowing that our savings will only cover one more month. And after prayerfully considering all options, and waiting on God's direction, an amazing thing happened: He answered our prayer of what to do next!

I sat down and told my husband that I believed he was doing exactly what he was meant to be doing: running this business. I said I thought he just needed to apply himself completely and continue to trust that God provides. And guess what- he agreed! He said that was exactly what he was thinking, and then he told me his new goals he came up with for the business. Let me tell you, I took that as a divine answer; when the two of us are on the same page about something, it is a major clue things are going in the right direction.

The interesting part of this is we did not chicken out. We did not decide that God isn't going to pull us through and that we better get employed. We truly believe that God is and will continue providing, even though we can't see the outcome from where we stand yet.

I am so excited to see my husband succeed at this, and then to tell you about it!

An extra one...

Can there be such a thing as a little extra prayer? If so this is the time for it. His Finances and His Work have been my prayer, and God seems first to be opening our eyes to the reality of our financial situation, which is not too good. At the same time, God is, and has for many months and even years, opening our eyes to the miracle He provides for us every month as our bills get paid anyway! He is so amazing!

My poor husband is really feeling the pressure right now, however, so my prayer is that God will totally bless his home business, making it flourish beyond our expectations. I don't believe it's time for him to go out and "get a job" yet, as his talent at home is amazing; we just need to get our groove, so to speak. So, here's a little extra asking, Lord- lead the way!!

His Finances

Do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. Luke 12:29-31

So this is ironic, or not, depending on how you look at it... I started to post on this chapter a couple nights ago and had to finally stop just because he was driving me so nuts I couldn't think anymore! Anyway here goes the second try.

You might wonder what is the difference between His Work and His Finances, but in fact they are two very different beasts. I mentioned before that his work weighs heavily on my heart right now, not just because I am concerned about the profitability of being an entreprenuer, but I want him to feel confident and satisfied with the work he does as well.

His finances, however, are not so much of a concern to me; if this does not make sense to you yet, let me explain.

I believe God totally knew what He was doing when he paired me with my husband. He happens to be a Lion personality; he is a risk taker. My upbringing was a very conservative approach, so bringing him into the family I'm sure has made hearts flutter around the family as he tries new ventures that may not be, in my family's opinions, very sound risks. Even my girlfriends would often ask me how I managed such a seemingly carefree lifestyle. But what seemed to others as carefree, careless, or unwise, I've (almost) never had a problem with my husband's endeavors. Owning businesses, working from home, even living as a "starving artist," have been our lifestyle many times. And God has blessed me with faith to know that He provides, which in turn enables me to be an encouragement for my husband, rather than a thorn. I love being the one person who works well as this man's helpmeet!

The one area that I choose to focus on for this chapter is tithing. My husband has always had reservations about giving 10% back to the church, and we have only tithed sporatically. In fact, I believe this may be the reason that we have not had complete success financially yet. Instead of being angry at him for not obeying this command, I need to give this up to God so it becomes a change from within.

Lord, I commit our finances to You. Be in charge of them and use them for Your purposes. May we both be good stewards of all that You give us, and walk in total agreement as to how it is to be dispersed... Help us to remember that all we have belongs to You, and to be grateful for it...I pray that he will not be anxious about finances, but will seek Your kingdom first, knowing that as he does, we will have all we need.

A Personal Note

I pause before moving to the next chapter to include an extra prayer, as this chapter (His Work) is heavy on my heart. This is really where our family could use some peace. I do have a peace that passes all understanding, but I believe we are not where we could be. I don't think it is God's will for us to live such an extended period of our lives on welfare and unemployment. We have such a desire to live out an entrepreneur's lifestyle that it is not in us to quit, yet at some point something's got to give.

Lord, the money we earn is given to us by You. I confess we have not been faithful in tithing. Whenever I bring it up, I don't get much of a response from my husband. Please convict him on this issue. I do not believe it is Your will for us to live on welfare for a long period of time; please show us the way out of this lifestyle. It is our desire for our business to flourish and sustain our family, and it is not happening. If Your will is a different direction, please make it blatently clear. Otherwise, show us how to maximize what we are doing, so we may be financially responsible and stable. Give my husband direction so he may feel confident and satisfied with his work. Thank You.

His Work

Because of laziness the building decays, and through idleness of hands the
house leaks.
Ecclesiastes 10:18

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his
own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?
Matthew 16:26

This chapter deals with both extremes of a husband's work life:
laziness and overworking. I have seen both in my husband, and I would say
he is leaning toward the latter right now. He is struggling to maintain a
work at home ecommerce business, and he works from the moment he gets up to late
at night, and all weekend too. This has of course been a strain on the
marriage. And, of course, if I nag, he feels both guilty and angry for not
understanding.

God does not desire either extreme in our husbands' lives, and it's our job
to cover them in this area with prayer. I believe we can see these extreme
tendencies before our husband can, and we need to maintain prayer prevention as
well- praying during the good times too.

Again, this is a challenge for me right now as I am working toward letting
God soften my heart in general toward my husband.

Lord, I pray that You would bless the work of my husband's hands. May his labor bring not only favor, success, and prosperity, but great fulfillment as well. If the work he is doing is not in line with Your perfect will for his life, reveal it to him...Give him strenth, faith, and a vision for the future...Help him to see that he doesn't have to work himself to death...may he bring You into every aspect...Open up doors of opportunity for him...Show me what I can do to encourage him...may he grow strong and prosper.

First Challenge

Well we know that when we pray and seek to become closer to God that the devil will start pestering us, trying to block our view of the Goal. Yes, that is exactly what's happening. My dear husband seems to be really making sure I am truly seeking God!!

Now I know again that many women are in far worse situations than I am, but this is just my little corner of the world, and my little struggles, and for me they are real.

So far I have read about praying for his wife- and that has been the only thing I have been able to pray for! He has succeeded in making me so mad that I can't even find it in myself to pray for him- all I can do is pray, "Help me Lord, not to blow up- Help me Lord not to yell at him- Help me Lord to see him through Your eyes, etc."

So first he spends the first half of the weekend working. Then, he comes home, and continues to work on the computer up until we walk out the door to church, while I have succeeded in getting 6 people ready to walk out that door. We come home at 10:00 at night, and while he sits back in front of the computer, I get all children ready for bed, spank two children, and tuck everyone in. He remains oblivious. I go to bed. He must have torn himself away at some hour, because he's snoring next to me when I wake up this morning.

I make breakfast. This, you must understand, is no ordinary occasion. I do not made breakfast, at least nothing more than Cheerios. So when it's finally ready and the smell of bacon has not aroused him, I send a child up to see if he's joining us. He sits down as we are ready to eat.

We eat.

We finish.

He joins his companion, the computer.

I clean up.

No thank you, no help in the kitchen.

It's now an hour before we need to leave, and I ask him if he's coming... he makes non committal sounds, and after a little more persistence from me, barks a "probably."

Deep breath. This will be a day for God's glory. This will be a good day. Lord, make me be the wife You've designed me to be, because I don't have it in me alone.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.